From what I have heard, one has to perform two miracles in order to even be considered being named a Saint. Hell, I have a lot more than two. For instance, I have not killed The Fran every time I see her. So even though that has occurred multiple times, I will consider it only once. I don't want to be considered piggy when it involves a trip to the Vatican. I took stitches out of my leg the other day and didn't pass out. Big time miracle, there. I have survived several layoffs at Sprinty Sprint and am still gainfully employed. That one is off the charts in terms of Major Miracle Occurrences.
So while I wait for the Pope to send me a text letting me know that I am good to go buy a robe and have my picture taken in a clamshell, I ponder. Don't get that clamshell part? I am so cerebral, I know. Back when I lived in Pittsburgh (a very Catholic town), seemed like every front yard had the little statues with the Virgin Mary in this vestibule, I guess you would call it. So my friend would call it Madonna on the Half Shell. Being not Catholic, I thought that was funny. But then again, I was baptized Lutheran, which is nothing more than "Catholic Lite". All the guilt without all the "stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight" during the sermon part.
Back to the aforementioned pondering. All this makes me wonder about how I make light of different people, ideas and philosophies. For instance, I readily make fun of lesbians. Only because it is so EASY to make fun of lesbians. Sure, I know that they are all part of the "family", but seriously, do you know of a lesbian who doesn't drive a Subaru and carries a wallet, not a purse? I didn't think so, but then again I have not met Rachel Maddow yet (life goal).
There is a lesbiana that I know who I swear used to be 6 foot tall and a big girl, but The Lord put His Hand on her and pushed downward whereas she is now five foot six and still big. Just now all scrunched up. Every time she attempts speech, it is either prefaced or ended with a Beavis "eh, eh." Annoying, yes. Enlightening, no. Hilarious, yes. And she does carry a wallet, she wears ties and she dips Cope. You can take it from there.
I will not go down the path of people in the USA not being able to speak English. The fact that I have to order a cheeseburger at Wendy's in Spanish. What difference is there between the English "no mayonnaise" and the Spanish "no mayonessa"? On the computer screen is still says NO MAYO. And they still put mayo on the burger. Now for those of you who have known me since childhood, getting a burger with no mayo is unheard of, so I will just let you know it was for Steve.
Wow, I guess I ignored that road closed sign, huh?
Nya's oldest son is in a school that was in a contest to win a grant for $500 for Spanish language books. There was a voting-online-thing where I got this huge ass distro list of my friends to vote. Then the website went bat shit and we don't know who won, but it's a everyone's a winner! deal now. My question, why don't we vote on giving ENGLISH language books to schools so that people who don't speak English learn to speak the primary language in this country? Oh yeah, they are called taxes.
The thing is I can make fun of people or things that are basically what I am. I can make fun of The Clampett's at the gym, they are this Odd Couple that somehow had a child (talk about your miracles) even though he is fat and she is fat and scary. And I am...overweight. Isn't America great? I can make fun of people that are different even though I am different. Mostly because it makes me feel better (I know, petty).
And as I sit here in my throne watching the huddled masses below me, I know they make fun of me, so it all comes out in the wash. Sainthood, like life, can be a bitch.
No comments:
Post a Comment