Everyone Say "Thank you, Jason"

So it was Jason Delvecchio that said "Dude, you need to blog."  He's right.  There is so much that I can go on and on and on ad nauseum about. 

I am not going to hit you like a freight train right off the bat, that would be cruel.  However, I am going to ramp you all up to the big Midwestern Hayride coming up in August.  Time to change my facebook profile picture! 

As with any hayride, there will be many crazy, zany antics by people.  In this case, that would be one person, and that is (all together now) The Fran.  I will get you up to speed on The Fran in the coming days.


Last night as I was in the "library", I was looking through the current issues of The Advocate and Out.  These are magazines that cater to the LGBTQBE (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgender, Queer, Basically Everybody) market.  Now you know me, I am not one of those "Out and Loud" kind of guys.  The only reason I get these magazines is because I had United miles that wasn't enough to get a flight, and so I got a years worth of several publications.  That was three years ago and they are still sending them to me.  They come in a gray plastic envelope, so no one knows that you are getting a LGBTQBE pubication.  No, I meant publication.  Or did I? 

Not that the USPS dude will think anything less of you if you get some magazines in a gray plastic envelope.

Out is sort of a Conde Nast, Vanity Fair, and OK! rolled all together.  The Advocate is a cross between Time and Boy's Life.  Literally. They both have articles on fabulous LGBTQBEWGAF (Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Transgender, Queer, Basically Everybody, Who Gives a Fuck) people and the fabulous things they do.  How they struggled, how they coped, blah, blah, blah.

I swear to God, there is not one person featured in either of these that:

• has more than 2% body fat
• has hair on their chest
• and this includes lesbians!
• is not fabulous
• does not manscape

Seriously, this manscaping shit is ree-dick-you-lus.  Stubble!  And you know it grows back!  Do you think Adam and Steve manscaped?  "Here, honey, let me just burn off your chest hair so you will look sexier and accentuate those awesome pecs you have."

Even the advertisements for travelling to fabulous places like Miami, the Keys, Palm Springs and the Mother Ship, San Francisco have people who are (fabulously) perfect.  Guys with their shirts off exposing their manscaped hairless chests and erect nipples (too far, too quickly?) and the girls are all lipstick lesbians.  A Home Depot ad with a flannel bull dyke? Oh HELL to the no. 

So, my point? I do have one.  They are not a realistic view of this so called community.  Sure, there are other magazines that are focused on smaller segments of the LGBT... crowd, but those publications either show dick or boobs.  And those are just the ones for big, hairy men.